Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes About Gardening To Brighten Your Day

A man and woman laugh in a rooftop garden

(Image credit: Halfpoint Images / Getty Images)

last updated 10 February 2023

Every gardener has a sense of humor. It's a requirement for the hobby – or job. How else can we survive all the missteps and surprises? Here are some garden observations from around the internet that all gardeners can identify with. Plus, there are a few silly jokes, too, just for fun. Enjoy!

Jokes About Gardening

A toddler was found chewing on a slug. After the initial surge of disgust, the parent said, "Well, what does it taste like?"? "Worms," was the reply.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What kind of tree can fit into your hand? A palm tree!
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a garden? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

Sad But True!

Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take any chances.
The only way to ensure rain is to give the garden a good soaking.
Weeds grow at precisely the rate you pull them out.
Nothing ever looks like it does on the seed packet.
Autumn follows summer, winter follows autumn, drought follows planting.
However bare the lawn, grass will appear in the cracks between the patio paving stones.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Garden Humor Terminology

The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:

"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."
"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
Knee: a device for finding rocks in your garden.
"Annuals" mean disappointment once a year.
Hardy plant: really means "hearty" to wildlife and a wholesome meal.

"I consider every plant hardy until I have killed it myself.” Politician and botanist Sir Peter Smithers

After graduating from Oklahoma State University with a degree in English, Susan pursued a career in communications. In addition, she wrote garden articles for magazines and authored a newspaper gardening column for many years. She contributed South-Central regional gardening columns for four years to Lowes.com. While living in Oklahoma, she served as a master gardener for 17 years.